I grew up in a conservative Christian home. My parents never urged me to date. Heck, they still don't, and I'm 23! I'm not sure when they think I'll be old enough; I'm not sure I ever will be! :P But I know the philosophy on girls I was surrounded by growing up. Here's a few of the major tenets:
- Girls deserve respect.
- If a girl has any sort of curves, they should be fully covered up. Modesty is more important than fashion.
- One should only date a girl one intends to marry. Because there is clearly no other reason to be dating.
- Pornography and masturbation are terrible sins.
- You should save sex for marriage. And petting. Probably kissing too. And just to be safe, let's throw in hand-holding, because that's a pretty serious commitment.
At the same time, I was surrounded by our culture and media, and their ever-present messages, like these:
- Girls should have the right to do whatever they want.
- Girls should wear the sexiest clothes possible in order to draw the most guys to them.
- You should be free to date whoever you want. As much as you want. Have fun while you're young.
- Pornography and masturbation are as normal as eating and sleeping.
- Saving sex for marriage makes you a virgin. And if you're a virgin, there must be something wrong with you. You better not let that secret out at a party!
I don't know if you noticed, but those are polar opposites. And neither sounds all that great. The first option strips all the fun out of life. It turns anything sexual into a taboo, and suddenly marriage becomes not a way to spend your life with someone you love, but a way to skirt the rules and have sex. This option creates massive guilt in anyone who doesn't follow its rules.
But the second option is no better. It makes everything as pointless as a trip to Las Vegas with no money. Once you go all the way, you may as well do it again. And again. And somewhere along that road, it isn't special at all anymore. Marriage becomes a recipe for divorce, since we're always looking for someone better and don't know how to stick with one woman/man.
Like many things in life, I believe this calls for a middle ground. And no, I don't think there's a clear cut line. The whole "shorts to your fingertips" rule for girls I was around in school? Ridiculous. Not only because to some that may still be scandalous and to others a bore, but because all it really does is make those same girls wear the shortest shorts they can find when the rules aren't enforced.
(Disclaimer: All my examples on clothing restrictions are based on girls, since the conservative community has absolutely no rules for guys. I was ok with that, but I always felt bad that the girls had all these silly rules. Sorry ladies!)
So where does one end up? Both sides end up looking very bleak if one is to take each by itself. I think everyone will make their own decisions on that. But I'm going to share the decisions I've come to. Not because I think you should make the same ones, but because I think it might help you to make your own. I think the worst thing you can do is to blindly follow those around you, whether they're telling you to keep six inches from the opposite sex or telling you to have sex every weekend. So without further ado, here's some of my standards:
- Women definitely deserve respect. From men, and also from themselves. I will open up doors for women and small motions like that solely as a sign of respect.
- I will wear whatever I want. I'm ok with girls wearing whatever they want. But there is a balance. As a guy, I definitely enjoy it when girls are a little less than fully dressed. I may stare at a girl when she's dressing for attention. But I really pay attention and want to know a girl when her clothing is stylish and still somewhat modest. Remember, wearing a burqa is fine, but it's rather pointless when everyone else around you is wearing bikinis. It also looks really hot.
- Save something for later. I'm not going to not spend time with girls, but I also have very clear standards on how far I will go. I may not always communicate those standards when I first meet a girl, since that would be pretty high on the weird-meter, and I'm a kinda weird guy already, but the standards are there.
- Pornography and masturbation? Gosh, I'm not going to do all your homework for you. Check out your Bible. If you're not a Christian and don't follow the Bible, then I'm not going to make you do what the Bible says, but I would love to tell you about my good friend Jesus sometime.
Anyways, these are just some thoughts I've been having. Whenever you see me, you don't know that my brain is always going a million miles an hour. I could write a book with my thoughts, but I don't think anyone would buy it. Anyways, there it is. Feel free to stop in next time for my thoughts on aliens. Just kidding...the imminent zombie apocalypse is far more interesting!
